South By South West Not

from by Piet Haag

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Every year thousands of aspiring bands and artists spend large amounts of time, effort and money going to showcase events to confirm that nobody wants to give them a record/publishing/management deal, and in many cases don't even want to hear them. That shouldn't be surprising, since we are almost all rubbish. That said, if you set aside any lofty and totally unrealistic musical objectives, you can have a ton of fun, and SXSW is by all accounts party central, with plenty of genuinely talented artists to show you how it should be done.
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lyrics

So you're going to south by south west
Been invited 'cos you're the finest
North west Dunbartonshire has got to offer
The looks, the chat, the boots, the specs, the hat, 
The hair, the teeth, the self belief,
The attitude, you've got just what it takes

But beware 
the funders have a place 
A cellar down below their base
They'll hang you upside from your toes
stick sharpened pencils up your nose
Attach electrodes to your bawz
If you don't come back with a deal
Their wrath you're gonna feel
Gonna make you....

Sing
Like a Londoner
They're gonna make you sing sing like a Londoner etc..

So you've been to south by south west
You did your best, you played your finest
But only fourteen people came to see 
You broke the bank, your hotel stank
You flew a half way round the world, for what
You didn't even get a decent sun tan

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credits

from Countryside Walks With Piet Haag, released August 25, 2011
Piet Haag - vocals, keyboards
Robin Adams - guitar, bass
Jamie Duffin - drums
Mervyn Adams - lead guitar, backing vocals
Steve Hawkes - trumpets

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about

Piet Haag Glasgow, UK

Widely regarded as "useless" and "not much good" Piet Haag stormed onto the Pollokshields music scene with his unyielding electro-acoustic interpretation of retail therapy. Even two years later "Instructions for Shopping" serves as a template for sonic gender reversal, allowing women to experience the male perspective on shopping. Like a flambe tomato mixed with Bailey's Irish Cream, its rare ins ... more

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