1. |
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Well it starts with an acoustic guitar
As you wake up to the sound
Of music from afar
And your head feels like
A bucket full of glass
When you wake up lying
Face down in the grass
And it hurts
And the buzz that rises round you
Like the waters of the tay
Is the flies around the sewage
That wouldnae flush away
from the portaloo
you blocked up with your spew
Heard your girlfriend shout
Just as you're passing out
You are dumped
Ya bam
There is nothing like a nice anthemic ballad
We can sing
When you've consumed so much lager
That the words don't mean a thing
We're anesthetised
We're completely fried
Well you went to hear the music
But someone stole your bling
Got lost on the campsite
And never heard a thing
Found your girlfriend blowin'
Your best mate in his tent
And she's no just dumped you
She's spent all of the rent
And it ends with the sound of your car
Axle deep in cowshit
You won't be going far
And your head feels like
A bucket full of glass
When you wake up lying
Face down in the grass
And it hurts
|
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2. |
South By South West Not
04:21
|
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So you're going to south by south west
Been invited 'cos you're the finest
North west Dunbartonshire has got to offer
The looks, the chat, the boots, the specs, the hat,
The hair, the teeth, the self belief,
The attitude, you've got just what it takes
But beware
the funders have a place
A cellar down below their base
They'll hang you upside from your toes
stick sharpened pencils up your nose
Attach electrodes to your bawz
If you don't come back with a deal
Their wrath you're gonna feel
Gonna make you....
Sing
Like a Londoner
They're gonna make you sing sing like a Londoner etc..
So you've been to south by south west
You did your best, you played your finest
But only fourteen people came to see
You broke the bank, your hotel stank
You flew a half way round the world, for what
You didn't even get a decent sun tan
repeat stuff
|
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3. |
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My song has only got one chord
only got one chord
one chord
My song has only got
only got one chord
one just one
chord
If thats not enough
If you're bored
If you need more chords
We can add some more
We can add some more
My song has got a second verse
Its got a second verse
I'm only kidding you
Chorus, chorus, chorus
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4. |
You're Not New
04:10
|
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You're not new, you're not new
You're not new so you must be old
|
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5. |
||||
Well it started when you were just twenty three
Still so young and still so free
It was a quiet insistent high pitched tone
You only ever heard when you were alone
In quiet spaces, quiet places
So you saw a consultant and he did say
It never goes, it's hear to stay
Avoid loud noise as you get old
Now get to fuck 'cos you've been told
Get out
There is no cure
|
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6. |
I Love Your Blog
04:34
|
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I love your blog
It is the best thing on the web
Told all my friends
They should subscribe
Lots of them did
Now they love you
They really do
They really do
I love your words
Like morning sunlight on the dew
In Pollok Park, after a tab
Or maybe two
The things we'd do
Just me and you
And everyone
Cos they all love you
They really do
We really do
And if I sung like Twin Atlantic
Would you think I was fantastic
If I add a glockenspiel
Would that maybe seal the deal
Sent you a track
But you never emailed back
Now my heart is broke and empty
Just like my inbox filled with spam
And useless junk
Four one one scams
Hot Russian birds and their webcams
And your blog turns up each week
But I have never heard a peek.
|
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7. |
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Sign me up, sign me up
Sign me up to Chemikal Underground Records
Underground Records
I might slightly balding
I might be slightly fat
My lyrics might be rubbish
and my music might be crap
But still each day
I Kneel, I pray
I hope to hear the words you say
Sign here
On the dotted line
Sign here
It'll all be fine
We won't let EMI
Get their hands on you
Act now
For this offer will expire
Together we can save the world
The world
Oh God and Jesus
Please sign me up
For my life is shit
shit
shit
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Piet Haag Glasgow, UK
Widely regarded as "useless" and "not much good" Piet Haag stormed onto the Pollokshields music scene with his unyielding electro-acoustic interpretation of retail therapy. Even two years later "Instructions for Shopping" serves as a template for sonic gender reversal, allowing women to experience the male perspective on shopping. Like a flambe tomato mixed with Bailey's Irish Cream, its rare ins ... more
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